It’s rigged! It’s all rigged! I never realized the extent to god’s involvement in sports.
How did I reach this conclusion? I found a blunt, conveniently placed in my right hand. I took a puff (as one should if there were to be a blunt conveniently placed in their right hand) and started referring back to a particular childhood memory.
It starts with me, hearing my favorite athlete talk to a reporter after a big win. Here is how the typical post game interview would go:
Reporter: You played well today. How does it feel knowing that your team can rely on you to perform each night?
Athlete: Uh, first off, I’ll like to thank our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
Reporter: Tough game tonight. What did you feel you could have done differently to secure a win in front of your fans?
Athlete: Uh, first off, I’ll like to thank god and our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
There you go. This is proof that god is rigging sports.
Is this fair? Is God picking winners and losers? Why watch sports anymore if one knows the game is already set for a fixed outcome?
We’ll get back to this thought later. Let me first explain how I thought I could use our lord and savior to rig up a win.
Prayer, I thought, as a child, was like a telepathic credit card.
I had a spelling test the next day? Well, these 5 minutes of prayer should make up for my lack of studying. Grandma’s in the hospital? No worries. I recited Romans 8:31.
Perhaps the athletes that basted in the glory of god had more prayer credit to spend. I think I maxed out my prayer card at an early age. This became much more clear to me after my first middle school football game.
Before I went to bed, I kneeled and asked god for tomorrow to be a victorious day.
I didn’t ask him for the well-being of my friends and family because I thought I would just be using too much credit at that point. I had a test that week so I needed to budget carefully.
Fast-forward to the coin toss. We deferred. The first possession of the game went to us. Walking towards the field I noticed how larger these kids were.
The coach signals his playcall from the sidelines. It was a R-32 handoff. The Left guard was to loop to my direction, becoming my lead blocker.
As the quarterback hands the ball off to me, the defensive tackle charges through my guard and starts towards me. All was left between he and I were a few blades of grass.
The impact left me sidelined for the rest of the game. We ended up losing by 45 points. Jesus himself could have played quarterback and we would have still lost by 20+.
I learned two possible outcomes that day:
- One can not solely rely on prayer as a mean to achieve an end.
- God is rigging sports.
I chose the latter. Checkmate, theists.