Dating as a Conspiracy Theorist 

My mother came to me one afternoon and said she found a lovely lady that wanted to meet me. She insisted that I am going to die a bitter and lonely man. She blames the conspiracy theory videos I watch on a regular basis. 

“You are such a handsome man,” she says, following up with: “but a woman will never be attracted to a man with such foolish ideas. “Your cusp on reality is a loose one.”


I am 48 and am still living with my parents. And to what world do I even consider making strides in my career? The globalists and the elites’ NWO agenda were going to start a civil war. What good is a college degree in a dystopian society? 1776 was about to commence again!

I tried to explain that to mother, but she is just nothing more than a shill. Nonetheless, I agreed to the date.

I met her at some divvy bar downtown. I was immediately taken aback by her appearance. She looked like a Marxist Witch. Her voice was warm and husky like the eternal furnace which is hell. “You smell a little bit like sulfur,” I told her as  I patted her down for spell books. She went along thinking it was just a playful joke.

My charm lent her to buying me a drink. Why would she buy me a drink? I was sure it was a potion to capture my soul and self. I refused the drink and put on my tin-foil hat to ensure the safety of my thoughts. 


We started talking about our personal lives. I asked her what did her parents do for a living. 

“My dad works at the Pentagon.”

I had enough her demonic chants. 

As she started to run away and I had the bar to my attention, I took this time to advertise. I pulled out a container of my super male vitality supplement and announced I was selling it by the teaspoon. 


The police arrived and I was promptly handcuffed and removed from the premises. 

To that moment, I agreed I will never commit to a blind date without a proper vetting procedure. 

 

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